ramblings of a stolen pumpkin

You know those wicked brilliant pumpkins we posted about last time?

They were stolen last night. Last year our bowl of candy (literally the bowl AND the candy) that we set out was stolen (we were at the ward party). And this year it was our pumpkins. So as I stated on facebook, next year I'm putting out chocolate laxatives. We'll see how they like THAT! ...except that I won't be in this house anymore....

Anyway... I had another thought.

Tonight we put our overly exhausted girls to bed and Jesse and I parted ways to do whatever it is we do at night. Jesse started working on homework, the senior film, personal projects, etc. And with my hands on my hips, I stared at my kitchen wishing the dishes would do themselves and gagging at the sight of all the cookies, treats, candy, etc. we accumulated over the past three days of Halloween celebrations. I refused to deal with any of it. So I skipped into the dark living room, picked up the laptop with a wavering determination to read scriptures and conference talks online. But first I had to check my email. And then facebook. It's just a couple places, right? Oh, and my friends' blogs. And then msnbc.com for news. And then suddenly I found myself watching Taylor Swift music videos and Will Ferrell singing Celine Dion on the Tonight Show. When did that happen? I watched Taylor's beautiful hair, listened to her sing, and desperately wished I wasn't a mom cleaning up baby toys and toddler messes. I wanted to be famous and sing like Taylor Swift and be funny and confident like Will Ferrell and ... my shining life as a mom and wife suddenly grew dimmer and dimmer and dimmer... I even stood up and announced to Jesse that I wanted to be famous. I was secretly resenting my life. I stomped to the bathroom, blew my nose, and came back to Taylor's music videos again.

Something inside me told me to turn them off.
But I wanted to watch... just one more...

It's ridiculous that I even had that battle. I hurriedly got into lds.org to watch the latest Mormon Messages video and then found my spot to start reading in Helaman. I'm starting 3 Nephi tonight! I'm totally geeking out about that. I LOVE 3 Nephi. Anyway. Back to my story. There was a total shift in my spirit as I started watching the church videos and reading my scriptures. Suddenly, the life of glamour and celebrity was ridiculous and ... I was ashamed of my previous thoughts. I felt the calming peace and assurity that I'm living the right life. I'm doing the right thing. I was shocked at the almost tangible difference from the confusing unhappiness I felt watching the music videos to the peace and happiness I felt watching and reading on lds.org. I'm not saying that watching music videos is bad. Grief, I do it all of the time. But at this instant, it was a negative influence in my life. I'm grateful for the Spirit that can help me recognize when Satan is using a seemingly harmless activity to make me confused and want to run away from what I know is true. I know he does it all of the time. He uses daily things to try to break us down. Do what you can in your life to have the spirit with you at all times. I know that it feels like a lot sometimes--scriptures with family, scriptures alone, family prayer, couple prayer, individual prayer, FHE, temple--and more. It feel like A LOT. But it invites the spirit into our lives. And that's what helps me make it through every day. The Spirit helps me recognize when Satan is attacking. I need the strength of the Spirit to help me survive.

I went to the temple this week. Ahh.... it's the only place I can breathe for two hours without anxiety and outside concerns....

I love the temple.

So like I said, it feels like a lot, but it's worth it. And really, what else are we spending our time doing? Blogging, emails, people.com, facebook, staring at the wall....
I love the way the Spirit feels in our home. I love the genuine happiness it brings to my heart. Keep it with you so you can recognize those promptings too.

Next time I'll post Halloween pictures, I promise. :) Love you!

This is how we do pumpkins.

Okay, so it's not the traditional carve your pumpkin act, but I still thought it was fun. And SO much less messy. When she's older, we'll worry about carving pumpkins like all of the other families. But I thought this was perfect for now.

Is it odd that I'm jealous of my toddler's pumpkin? Her pumpkin turned out way better than mine.

Another one.

I'm sorry, and I'm not sorry, for what this blog has turned into the last couple weeks. But I typically read my scriptures, conference talks, etc. right after the girls go down... and then my mind swirls with thoughts that I have to get out. And typing into a blog is a million times faster than writing it in my journal. And then I can easily print it and paste it in there.

So my thought for today?

I've been thinking a lot about what's going on in the world today and how so many people are making ridiculous decisions. I came across this scripture in Helaman 7:16:

"Yea, how could you have given way to the enticing of him who is seeking to hurl away your souls down to everlasting misery and endless wo?"

Can you just imagine him saying that? How could you? Especially when you know the results of following Satan. How could you?

At the time, Nephi, son of the Helaman, has just returned from trying to preach the gospel in the super wicked north. The people rejected him, so he came home. But home was just as wicked. In just a few short years from the time Moroni and his righteous armies defended the Nephites, the Gadianton robbers have swooped in and corrupted the whole nation. It was wicked everywhere (except for the Lamanites. Such an interesting twist). So you can imagine Nephi's sorrow when he exclaims these words "in the agony of his soul" atop a tower:

"Oh, that I could have had my days in the days when my father Nephi first came out of the land of Jerusalem, that I could have joyed with him in the promised land....
"Yea, if my days could have been in those days, then would my soul have had joy in the righteousness of my brethren.
"But behold, I am consigned that these are my days, and that my soul shall be filled with sorrow because of this the wickedness of my brethren."

There are so many days when I think, I wish that these weren't my days. I'm petrified of the things my girls will face. And then I'm filled with sorrow. Each day it seems that the world is getting more and more wicked. The church members are faced with more decisions. We can no longer be fence-sitters. We need to decide if we're going to join ourselves with Jesus Christ and his gospel, or to unite with the world and Satan, the author of lies. I know it's easier said than done. I know it seems difficult to be the different ones. But then it seems it's always been difficult. The Nephites were slaughtered for their righteousness. The pioneers were "exterminated" and driven west. And, thank goodness for our laws, we only have church buildings in Everett, WA, burned to the ground right now, otherwise who knows what would be happening. But whatever days we're in, we have to be strong. And we have to remember, remember our God who has delivered us time and time again.

I think of the many people I love, who grew up in the church, but have since then left it and are now fighting it. I think of Nephi when he says, "How could you have given way to the enticing of him who is seeking to hurl away your souls down to everlasting misery and endless wo?" When there is a God with all glory and power, who loves us and will do anything to help us, why would someone choose to follow Satan, who has stirred up the hearts of so many to wickedness?

It's so black and white to me. And I guess reading Nephi's words has just made me resolve even more to stand strong and to remember my God, even and especially when it's "unpopular" or "close-minded" or "not with the times."

So that is my thought.

Playgroup beauties

We have playgroup every Tuesday in my ward. We love it! We thrive on it. So here are a few pictures of my girls at the park.


This is one of Abby's favorite friends, Maddie. They were blowing the hoary dandelion together. I had several sequence shots of them blowing, but then I realized snot was running down Abigail's face in most of them. How did I not see that? In the picture above, Abby got the flower too close to her mouth and the seeds stuck to her lips. Mmm, tasty.

And Claire was hard at work eating her toys. She's such a hilarious baby.

Oh my girls. How I love them.
Happy Fall. :)

Too many voices.

I will admit that I have been shocked by several of my friends' responses to the world these days. Many believe that the church is "old-fashioned" or not "open-minded" enough. They are angry with statements made by general authorities or they feel like somehow the church is wrong. There are so many voices telling us what to believe, what to think, what to feel. Some of the hardest trials for me have been understanding my role as a mother. For years I harbored the attitude of the world that women in the church were relatively "oppressed," and we should be able to have careers if we want. Or to not have families if we want. But this was an attitude I learned from the world, not from the gospel. And it was only when I recognized the truth that I felt peace. Now there are other ideals coming out more strongly--you know what I mean--that threaten the church. But I guess they don't really threaten the church. Just the members and their testimonies. The church will always move forward, but some of its members may not.

I've been reading Alma in the Book of Mormon this week. It seems to me that almost every major battle between the Lamanites and the Nephites is started by Nephite dissenters. The dissenters get bitter with the church, for whatever reason, and stir up the Lamanites against the Nephites. Doesn't that seem how it is today? So many people get angry and leave the church. And somehow they believe that they can destroy the church if they get the world involved to beat us down. It's rather comical to me how unoriginal that idea is. Heavens, it was going on years before Christ. Why would it work now?

I found this video on Mormon Messages. I've watched it many times, but today it felt even more pertinent. What voices are we listening to? It's sad how difficult it is to block out the voices of the world. But it's so so important that we understand the truth of the gospel and the voice of the Spirit vs. the ugly lies that Satan has made so popular in the world today.

Today is Friday.

Oh my heavens.

Abby took a nap during Saturday afternoon conference...

And hasn't had one since.

Can I tell you how utterly exhausted I am?

I just didn't have the patience to handle Abby today. I needed her to stop for thirty seconds so I could reboot. I read in an article one time that a woman would lock herself in the bathroom for five minutes to get some "me" time and then she'd feel more ready to conquer the world (or her children). So I tried that today. I came out feeling slightly better... until I realized Abby wasn't eating lunch where she was supposed to be... and it was too quiet. I wish I had pictures. I found her in the living room, behind her easel, "painting her toenails" with a marker. Seriously? In five minutes? She now has wonderfully gross looking toes and toenails. I about lost it again. So I threw the girls in my heaven-sent stroller and went for a walk. Ran into friend. Talked for ten minutes before I realized I had never done my bra up again after nursing Claire... Awkward. How does one not notice that?! But it sure is visible from the front! I think I just never looked at a mirror before we left on the walk. It was a frumpy day. I didn't want to see myself. That was an overshare. Sorry, Sarah and Maryn and the few men who read this blog. But I died of humiliation. I was on the sidewalk. Where am I supposed to stop to fix that?? I dropped behind my stroller. Got home and was in such a funk STILL that we ate mac n' cheese and donuts for dinner. And even after hours of attempted cleaning, my house looks like an F5 tornado went through.

I love being a mom.

To be fair, we have discovered the joys of preschool this week to help. I wasn't planning on preschool until next year, but when an opening came up in this woman's preschool down the street, I plugged Abigail in. So really I get a break Tu and Th from 1-3. I can actually get something done without Abby destroying another room in the house simultaneously. It helps, but holy cannoli this "no nap" phase is going to be a big adjustment. I'm used to a break at least every other day.

And now for pictures. What do you do when your cousin is a wonderful photographer? Abuse her. My sister was in town from Chicago so this was part of our fun!

I love love love these pictures. And I love love love my girls. Even when I feel like my head might explode from chasing Abbs non-stop. Again these are only a fraction of the awesomeness that my cousin produces. And Lisa, I may harass you one more time before we move... if that's okay. Love to all!

She is so not my daughter. ;)