I decided for today that I'm dropping the happy facade. I'm going to write as it is. I've cried myself to sleep so many nights in the last month. I don't even know anymore if it's because we moved. Or if it's just because I desperately miss my family. Or if it's because I'm SO DONE being pregnant. Or maybe it's just the harsh reality of being a young mom with small kids. I read an article recently that stay-at-home moms are more depressed during their children's younger years than working moms. Once their children begin school, then there's no longer a difference. I think I can totally agree with that.
Yesterday, I turned on The Weepies on Pandora. It went through Postal Service, Josh Radin, etc. It was good medicine. But not enough.
Today I wandered ghostlike through my house and I found myself staring at the vitamins. I found it hilarious that our vitamins are in the same cupboard as my candy/treats stash. How appropriate. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right? Jesse bought me a stash of vitamin D pills last winter when we first moved here to help with the lack of sunlight. I took them maybe once or twice, and then shoved them behind the Oreos. I HATE taking pills. I've taken allergy pills most of my life, then had to take 9 months worth of monitored TB pills, months of prenatals, and don't even get me started on birth control pills. I hate that idea that everything is solved with a pill. I know, I know. Vitamins are not pills. But I still have to remember to swallow a nasty something that inevitably gets stuck in my throat.
I stared at the pills and realized that I hate taking pills/vitamins, but I hate feeling brain dead more. So maybe it's worth trying Vitamin D.... I make it sound so dramatic. But you try living somewhere where the sun doesn't even shine in the summer.
So here I go. I give it three weeks. If I don't notice anything in three weeks, I'm done with Vitamin D.
.... I used to be such a drama queen. I embarrassed myself many times by my own drama, but at this point I miss my own enthusiasm and craziness. Hmm.
If I don't answer your calls today, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I'm tired, overwhelmed, unbelievably uncomfortable, and I can't pretend to be excited about life today. But I still love you. :)
Can't have a post without a picture. Abby dressed herself today and she was so proud. Very sassy, yes?
This would be the haircut chunk that Abby gave herself while Sarah was here. Oh, that child. She said she was trying to give herself bangs like me. While I'm flattered, I was definitely more furious. Fortunately it blends in well and we mostly pull it back anyway. But still. Her hair grows so slowly that it broke my heart a bit. Boo to child haircuts.
And here is my attempt to upload a video of Claire. She's such a spaz. Good thing we love her. :)
