homesick for Utah

Sorry. No pictures today. Today is my day.

I tried really hard to ignore the feelings. I thought, "We did this last summer. This round should be easy, right?" But as we neared the 3-month mark of being in Washington, the feelings only intensified. By this time last summer, I would have been back home. But I'm not home, and I'm not moving back home.... for a LONG LONG time.... Can I tell you how even admitting that right now makes me want to bawl?

Homesickness is the distress or impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from the specific home environment or attachment objects. The Oxford English Dictionary describes homesickness as a feeling one has when missing home. Feelings of longing are often accompanied by anxiety and depression. These symptoms may range from mild to severe.

There's wikipedia's description for you. And that's how I feel. I have incredible, dramatic swings from excited-to-be-in-Washington days to we-have-to-move-back-or-I-will-die days. Unfortunately I'm lingering on the have-to-move back days.

To my WA friends: I LOVE you. LOVE LOVE LOVE you. If it weren't for you, then I wouldn't be surviving AT ALL. Thank you for saving me. You have been the BEST friends ever. Ever ever ever. Thank you for being my WA family. Because really, I consider you family.

About a week ago though (or two, I can't remember), I had my absolute meltdown. Like fetal position on the armchair, bawling my eyes out meltdown. Up to this point, the thought of flying alone has absolutely terrified me. The trip here was traumatic and I didn't want to repeat it. Ever. Again. I even missed my mom's 50th, I was so traumatized. But as I sat there bawling that night, I suddenly found it in me to conquer flying with two babes again. I sat up, searched flights, and asked Jesse for his credit card. When he asked what I needed it for, I told him I was going home. He didn't even blink. Just handed me the card and I bought my tickets.

I'm coming HOME.

This is where Jesse gets upset with me because Home should be where my family is, and my family is now here.

Some of you don't quite understand. My dad is HILARIOUS. My mom has been my best friend since junior high. My siblings are BRILLIANT. My family is THE BEST. I LOVE being with my family. Maybe they don't see that, or believe me, but they are truly the best. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? My fam definitely has their quirks, but every family does. But I truly do love spending my time with my family.

I'm looking forward to sitting my parent's kitchen table. I want to eat a hamburger from my dad's grill. I want to drive the streets of Utah. I want to laugh with my family. I want to watch Sam walk! I want to be there for the baseball game on Memorial Day weekend. I want to see my grandparents and my aunts and uncles and cousins... all those wonderful family members of mine. I want to see my family laugh at Abigail's incredible antics. I want them to see Claire's humorous facial expressions and hear her squawk. I want to feel comfortable in my environment again. I want to eat at CAFE RIO or even go to a blasted Dollar Tree.

I know one day I'll get over this, but you can't expect me to now. I spent close to 25 years of my life right next door to family. It's going to take some major adjusting. I'll get there, but in the meantime I get to vent. :)

And no one is allowed to say "Sorry you feel that way." I already feel like a wimp. This is just part of life! Y'all have hard things too. You're just not as public about it.

A present from Sarah AND a Happy Mother's Day!

For Claire's birthday, Sarah bought her this awesome Melissa and Doug Pretty Purse Fill and Spill toy. Claire LOVES it. She actually found it in the Amazon delivery box first. I was in the bedroom and I could hear Claire hitting something excitedly. I came out to find her with the present on her lap. She had pulled it out. So, she's known about this present and has eagerly waited for it. She was SO excited when I actually put it down for her to reach again. I didn't even have to pose the picture. She was just so stinkin' excited. Look at the joy on that babe's face!



Happy Mother's Day! We had a spectacular day. I got to sleep in, Jesse made me breakfast in bed... and then we had to run out the door for 9 a.m. church. When we got home, we ate lunch, took naps (EVERYONE!), and then we woke up in time to make the conference call with Seth. I'm so ready for him to be home.... Then we did some video chat on the Kinect with Jesse's family. Love love love them. :) Wish y'all didn't live so far away!

Somewhere in there, I demanded that for Mother's Day, my family had to let me practice taking pictures of them. I like that at least once a year everyone has to obey my demands (though Jesse would argue that's every day... HA! beat you to the joke). So here's what we got:
(Nikon D40 18-55mm)

The superhero pose.
Appropriate, right?

Yes, Claire eats every picture. Last time it was carrots. Today, celery. You should the tantrum pictures when I took away the celery...

Abby says that's her moo face. She wouldn't really cooperate... These pictures looked better on my camera... oh well. I tried. If anything, it's just to show that we're alive and growing. :) Love you all!

Claire vs. The Cupcake

Claire turned one on Thursday! Yay for our baby!
I still can't believe she's one.

We didn't do much on Claire's actual birthday. We're having a party tomorrow (yay!), but we still tried to do fun things--not that she'd even know or care. We went to lunch with Jesse at Microsoft and that night we made homemade mac n'cheese (epic fail) and then we had

super scrumptious strawberry gourmet cupcakes.

I felt like we needed to be reading Pinkalicious to go along with our eating.
So here's Claire vs. the cupcake.

She's reaching for the cupcake as we sing Happy Birthday.

Finally! The taste!

And she hated it.
Seriously.
She doesn't like sweet things... she prefers bacon and sausage. Oh, she's SO her daddy's girl.

She took one taste of that cupcake... and threw it off her tray.
We tried to coax another bite, but she wouldn't have anything to do with it.

And then I turned to find her smearing it all through her hair... Oh how precious.
Happy birthday, Claire.

Claire is an incredible baby. She's super happy and easy going. We've been so blessed to have her. She makes having two children seem almost too easy... Claire loves to talk, laugh, tease her sister, eat graham crackers, and climb.

Can't forget this little mischief maker, right?
Abby's latest remarks:
(laughs) "Mom, your hair looks like a dinosaur hat."
I had my bangs braided back to get out of my face. Later when I took it out, she said, "Oh mom, why did you take out your dinosaur hat? It was so cute!"

Oh, I love my girls....