I decided for today that I'm dropping the happy facade. I'm going to write as it is. I've cried myself to sleep so many nights in the last month. I don't even know anymore if it's because we moved. Or if it's just because I desperately miss my family. Or if it's because I'm SO DONE being pregnant. Or maybe it's just the harsh reality of being a young mom with small kids. I read an article recently that stay-at-home moms are more depressed during their children's younger years than working moms. Once their children begin school, then there's no longer a difference. I think I can totally agree with that.
Yesterday, I turned on The Weepies on Pandora. It went through Postal Service, Josh Radin, etc. It was good medicine. But not enough.
Today I wandered ghostlike through my house and I found myself staring at the vitamins. I found it hilarious that our vitamins are in the same cupboard as my candy/treats stash. How appropriate. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right? Jesse bought me a stash of vitamin D pills last winter when we first moved here to help with the lack of sunlight. I took them maybe once or twice, and then shoved them behind the Oreos. I HATE taking pills. I've taken allergy pills most of my life, then had to take 9 months worth of monitored TB pills, months of prenatals, and don't even get me started on birth control pills. I hate that idea that everything is solved with a pill. I know, I know. Vitamins are not pills. But I still have to remember to swallow a nasty something that inevitably gets stuck in my throat.
I stared at the pills and realized that I hate taking pills/vitamins, but I hate feeling brain dead more. So maybe it's worth trying Vitamin D.... I make it sound so dramatic. But you try living somewhere where the sun doesn't even shine in the summer.
So here I go. I give it three weeks. If I don't notice anything in three weeks, I'm done with Vitamin D.
.... I used to be such a drama queen. I embarrassed myself many times by my own drama, but at this point I miss my own enthusiasm and craziness. Hmm.
If I don't answer your calls today, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I'm tired, overwhelmed, unbelievably uncomfortable, and I can't pretend to be excited about life today. But I still love you. :)
Can't have a post without a picture. Abby dressed herself today and she was so proud. Very sassy, yes?
This would be the haircut chunk that Abby gave herself while Sarah was here. Oh, that child. She said she was trying to give herself bangs like me. While I'm flattered, I was definitely more furious. Fortunately it blends in well and we mostly pull it back anyway. But still. Her hair grows so slowly that it broke my heart a bit. Boo to child haircuts.
And here is my attempt to upload a video of Claire. She's such a spaz. Good thing we love her. :)
6 comments:
If Vitamin D helps even a tiny bit, I say go for it. Turn on your go light at night while you sit and read or sew. Hang in there...hopefully getting Benjamin to this side of life will help. Love you!
I found it really helpful to take the liquid Vitamin D instead of pills. I also hate pills too and plus the one I take is made with coconut oil. Can't go wrong with coconut :0)
You might want to check with your doc too. I know when I found out my levels were low they had me take like 15,000 IU's for like 2 weeks to get my numbers up. It really made a difference for me so I hope it does for you too.
Please let me know on these kinds of days if I can help in any way... Please come over or have me grab Abby or Claire can hold Slade and I'll do your dishes :0) I really hope you feel better. Life in Washington can be so hard during these months, but it does get better.
Thinking of you...xoxo
Brittany M.
Lauren! I'm so sorry love! I wish I could come give you a big hug and take your girls for the day. I hope you get feeling better soon!
I have to take vitamin D too. I went to the doctor to be checked for hypothyroidism, and my vitamin D was way low, so I took 50,000 iu for 8 weeks. Now I'm down to 4,000 iu a day, and it has really helped. I'd definitely try it. At least for a little while I would take at least 2000 iu a day, (if not 4000 iu). I can definitely tell when I haven't been taking it, especially in the yucky winter weather.
Either way, I hope you know I love you! And if you ever need to talk or if there is anything I can help with let me know.
20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
It is so hard to be a mom of young kids. I feel frustrated all the time and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind! I hope you can hang in there. Heck, I hope I can hang in there too! Good luck with it all. I wish we could get together and laugh and cry about how crazy it is to raise these kiddos that we have. Love you!
I understand. I should leave it at that. I understand. My advice - take it a day at a time or 5 minutes at a time. Enjoy the good moments with the girls and lock yourself in the bathroom during the bad moments. I can't say that adding #3 makes it better. Maybe I should erase that. Of course my little guy brings oh so much joy to our lives but it also adds to the stress and chaos too. I'm sorry you're far away from your family :( They are totally wonderful and I can understand why you miss them like crazy. I love you and think about you often. I understand.
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